You may express affection to your loved ones regularly, but they may not appreciate it.....or the opposite: they are showing you love, and you do not recognize it as an act of love! These situations frequently happen when two people speak different love languages.
Relationships play a huge role in our mental Well-being. Emer Flannery, psychology graduate, and brainchild of Kocoono™ shares with us today how understanding the different love languages and applying easy techniques can improve our communication in terms of love, and in turn, our Mental Well-being!
At the end of reading this, if you want to go deeper and apply the benefits of the 5 love languages, you can download for free "Kocoono™ gifts of love" where you will find a guide with tips, and ideas to show your love in the language that is most meaningful to your loved one. You also will find amusing "gifts of love" coupons to put this philosophy into practice!
Why Understanding The Love Languages Helps You To Connect Better With Your Loved Ones? (not just your partner)
Valentine´s Day is coming, and with it, the celebration of love! So, what better time to learn more about the Languages of Love, and how we can communicate better to our loved ones in a way that has the most meaning to them?
Although Chapman’s book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate” is mostly concentrated on the love language of your partner, this is so beneficial for better understanding your friends, parents, children, students, neighbours, co-workers and loved ones.
Knowing your own love language allows you to understand your own needs and increases your ability to be able to effectively communicate this. If you can fully understand the love language of yourself and the people around you it will truly deepen your ability to connect and increase your feeling and expression of love.
"Within couples or friendships, we often speak and act so much from our own primary love language as we cannot understand how another would appreciate the language they speak from. Awareness is so important here"
The five love languages are: Words of Affirmation, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, Quality Time and Acts of Service. Curious about what your main love language is? Which is the main love language of the people around you? Lets have a deep look at each love language! 👇
1. Words of Affirmation
People whose love language is Words of affirmation thrive on written or spoken encouragement.
How to show love to people whose love language is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Make them feel special through the use of your words but ensure this is genuine; it should be directly focused on the other person and not on yourself. If this is your love language, then genuine unexpected compliments have so much meaning for you, and a person expressing why they love you means so much and can lift your spirits. You can send an unexpected card, a text or note (a WhatsApp voice message is nice as they can listen back to it), or a sticky note left on the mirror in the morning or in the book you know they will open.
💚 What to avoid with people whose love language is WORDS OF AFFIRMATION: Putting down or giving non-constructive feedback, using a heightened or aggressive tone, be condescending or belittling.
2. Receiving Gifts
💚 How to show love to people whose love language is RECEIVING GIFTS: Be very attentive and listen to what it is they say they would like (this does not have to cost a fortune) it is the thought and the act of showing the person you love that you love them in the language in which they understand love (a lot of love in that sentence!).
When you receive a gift make sure to show gratitude and appreciation. This love language is not solely based on materialism; it truly is about the thought, the kindness, and the expression of love by the gift giver (and receiver). A gift is a physical representation of what love is so oftentimes it is this ability to see something physical that gives this person the most meaning.
3. Physical Touch
The person whose primary love language is physical touch thrives on connection through touch; they are very touchy-feely and love hugs. Physical touch in a positive manner can enable them to feel safe, secure and loved. Hug, sit beside them, offer a back, neck or head massage, hold their hand. If this is your primary loved language the past year may have been difficult for you as due to restrictions with Covid-19 your needs may not have been met, you may have seen friends and family but had to hold back on giving them one of your big bear hugs, we hope the following will help spark a few ideas of other ways you can fill your cup up.
💚 How to show love to people whose love language is "Physical Touch": This love language is predominately communicated through body language and touch; therefore there is less of a need for verbal language. If your loved ones primary love language is physical touch, acts such us holding hands, sit closely when watching TV or tickle fights for children, may help you to connect on a deeper level. You will find more examples in "Kocoono Gifts of love"
💚 What to avoid with people whose love language is "Physical touch" love language: Physical neglect or abuse, Giving affection in a cold insensitive manner, this should only ever be given genuinely and lovingly, neglecting physical touch and affection for long periods.
4. Quality time
Sharing dedicated and intimate time with people who love quality time is the best way in which you can show them how much you love them. Ask them what quality time looks like to them and make sure to schedule this time into your calendar and make the space for them. Oftentimes what does not get scheduled does not get done. If your primary love language is quality time, then you thrive on undivided attention, quality conversations where you can learn more about your loved one and you love quality activities. You love it when your other half makes you feel truly special and loved and this is also how you reciprocate love.
💚 How to show love to people whose love language is QUALITY TIME: Dedicated and uninterrupted time is so important (yes put that phone away!). Quality time is usually appreciated the most when it is 1:1.
For couples, a perfect activity, could be download the 36 questions that "Make you Fall in Love with Anyone" by Arthur Aron and read them with your partner to learn more about each other and literally fall in love all over again!
You can also try a restaurant together, make a vision board about your future together or go for a hike and bring a picnic.
💚 What to avoid with people whose love language is QUALITY TIME:
Avoid distractions such as the phone ringing or notifications going off, or looking elsewhere, avoid leaving long periods of time without creating quality time with one another as quality time is literally like fuel for connection with the person you love, without that fuel it can create blocks and feelings of being unloved if the person who appreciates this love language the most does not receive it. Avoid poor listening or acting like you’re listening when you’re actually not being fully present.
5. Acts of Service
Acts of service can come in many shapes and forms, people with Acts of service at the top of their love language thrive and give love by doing things for others but they receive love by having something done for them. Acts of service is all in the doing. Anything and everything you can do for the person in your life to ease the burden of their chores, responsibilities and to make them feel like you have ‘got their back’ will go down a treat! “Let me do that for you” will be music to the ears if this is your loved ones primary love language.
💚 How to show love to people whose love language is ACTS OF SERVICE: Let them know you are available to help or just go and take the action you know will be most appreciated by them. Make a special effort to take things on that will reduce their workload such us doing the dishes, cooking dinner or taking the bins out (without having to be asked)
💚 What to avoid with people whose love language is ACTS OF SERVICE: Making a promise and not following through on this, prioritising other peoples requests over your loved ones, forgetting or neglecting the small or big tasks you have committed to.
🥰 Include the gifts of love coupons in your Valentine´s cardTake time to think about what would be meaningful to the special person (s) in your life. We suggest you get creative and have fun with this process and figuring out how best to meet the needs of your loved one. The reaction and appreciation you will experience when you connect to your loved one in the way that is most meaningful to them will give you the best feeling and one, we know, you will want to repeat. You can find an example below to get inspired!
How to download Kocoono Gifts of Love for FREE?
✔️ If you are one of our subscribers, you will find this resource in the Kocoono™ Newsletter we sent you on Friday 5th February.
✔️ If you are still not subscribed to Kocoono Newsletter, sign up with us and you will receive the Kocoono™ Gifts of Love as a welcome gift (just until 14th February).
By signing up, you will be receiving our newsletter once a week with exclusive Wellness Tips to care for your Mental Well-being this 2O21, and be the first to receive offer updates :-)